


Battling Nightmares Together

by Into_The_Mystic



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Into_The_Mystic/pseuds/Into_The_Mystic
Summary: Sam and Jack have gone through so much together. Nightmares are to be expected. This ongoing series is about how they provide comfort to each other during the hard times. It’s about “Always.”Each chapter stands alone. Any rating changes and/or warnings will be noted in the Chapter summary.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 54
Kudos: 85





	1. Sam's Nightmare

She blames her moment of vulnerability on exhaustion. And when he corners her in her lab with concern in his eyes, she tells him the truth. That she’s having nightmares. That she can’t stop seeing that thing coming after her. He listens, nods and leaves. When he returns with coffee a moment later, his fingers graze hers reassuringly as he slides it over to her.

That night she lies in bed, dreading the heart pounding terror and cold sweat that will inevitably awaken her during the night. She finds herself fighting the fatigue threatening to pull her under when she hears the quiet knock on her door. Her chest tightens nervously and she knows it has to be him.

The first thing she notices when she opens the door is his mussed hair, sweatpants and t-shirt; and she steps aside to let him in. There’s something in his eyes that makes her stomach flutter and without a word, he locks the door, wraps his fingers around hers, and gently tugs her towards the bedroom.

He kicks off his shoes and lays on top of the blanket as she slips underneath. And when he pulls her against him and wraps his arm around her protectively, warmth and relief envelope her like a impenetrable cocoon.

She feels her heavy eyelids fall and sighs as the solid thud of his heart lulls her to sleep; knowing that tonight, he will watch over her. As her breathing deepens, she feels his soft lips brush against her hair and his fingertips graze her back... and wonders if she’ll ever feel this safe again.


	2. Jack's Nightmare

When she wakes to him screaming, it’s unlike anything she’s ever heard before. It’s beyond fear, beyond terror, beyond pain. It’s as if something is being physically ripped out of him. Her heart is in her throat and her chest aches as she stumbles out of the dark spare room and into his.

By the time she’s through his door, he’s sitting up, eyes wide and gasping for air as sweat trickles down his face. Without thinking, she finds him in the dark and wraps her arms around his chest. He doesn’t react right away, as if it hasn’t registered yet that she’s really there. And she thinks maybe he forgot about her spending the night after staying late to help him clean up.

But then she feels his hands grip her arms as he pulls back to look at her, his eyes squinting as they focus and search hers desperately. Instead of her presence calming him, it seems to pull him back into the nightmare; and with a sob, he yanks her back to him in a crushing embrace. He pulls her so hard, she finds herself lying mostly on top of him....chest to chest. “Sorry Carter....” his voice cracks as he whispers hoarsely through the tears; apologizing as if he can’t help himself.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” She whispers back. Her arms trapped by his, all she can do is bury her face in his damp neck and repeat the soothing mantra over again.

It’s not until his hold on her loosens and his breathing slows, that he tries to speak again.

“I couldn’t get to you.” His voice is raw and she can tell he’s just barely holding it together.

Her breath hitches and her eyes water as she sneaks her hand between them. And when her hand comes to rest gently on his cheek, he closes his eyes and leans into her touch. She struggles to keep her voice steady. “I’m okay...I’m right here.”

He keeps his eyes closed and manages a small nod; exhaling with relief through his parted lips. When she drops her hand to his chest, he moves his hand to cover it; pressing it to his chest as if to anchor her to him. As his breathing deepens, she feels him drifting off; and his final words are barely audible...escaping his lips on a sigh. “Thank God.”


	3. Sam's Nightmare

Sam sat up breathing heavily, her heart racing; a slight sheen of sweat covering her face. Taking a quick glance around, she remembered they were off-world. The locals had put them all up in a big tent together, a distance away from the town.

Pulling her legs up, she put her head in her hands...the dream was still all too real. The loss and ache that he was missing and she couldn’t find him, pulled her heart in every direction. Looking around in the dark tent, she tried to remember where everyone was sleeping. Her eyes widened when she noticed his empty sleeping bag. He was missing. Her stomach dropped before her brain forced her to acknowledge that an empty sleeping bag meant he was on watch...not missing.

She tried to breathe a sigh of relief but the lingering anxiety wouldn't allow it; cinching off her air like a tourniquet. Her cheeks were still wet from the tears and she swiped at them before grabbing her BDU pants.

Moments later she was slipping through the tent opening. The cold air hit her like a wall and she shivered. She saw her breath in the air, and realized quickly that her damp t-shirt wasn’t helping things. Rubbing her arms, she knew she should go back inside and grab her jacket, but she just had to see him. Once she laid eyes on him, she would be fine.

She glanced around the surrounding area, expecting him to be sitting on the log around the fire pit, where the hot coals still glowed bright. But he wasn’t there. Perimeter check maybe? She folded her arms over her chest and set out straight ahead into the tree line.

The few minutes that passed felt like hours. It was like the dream all over again. The visible evidence of her increasing breath in the air, told her she was starting to panic again. Where the hell was he?

She stopped and stood still. Would if he’d been taken? Would if the locals were holding him hostage somewhere? She circled back to the tent.

“Carter!” Her heart leapt out of her chest and she turned around. She let out a huffed laugh of relief. Thank God. It took everything in her not to run to him and jump in his arms like some kind of sappy love movie. He closed the distance fast, looking concerned as his eyes ran over her.

“Carter, what are you doing out here? Where’s your jacket?” She couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes. How good it was to hear his voice. He was okay...he was fine. She huffed another grateful laugh as his arms reached out for her.

When his hands felt her cold skin and damp shirt, his eyebrows furrowed worriedly, “Jesus, you’re freezing.” He quickly unsnapped his P90 and laid it next to them. Unzipping his jacket, he pulled her against him and wrapped the sides of his jacket around them.

The sob that escaped her lips was so sudden, it surprised her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight, tucking her head against his shoulder.

“Shhh.” He soothed quietly. The warmth of his voice, and his body against hers, enveloped her like a blanket. She felt herself melt into him; finally feeling like she could breathe again as she wiped her eyes against his shoulder, “Sorry sir.”

She felt his chest rumble against her head as he spoke softly, “Hey, that’s what shoulders are for you know.” He paused a beat before speaking again. “So, wanna tell me what this is all about?”

Bracing her forehead against his shoulder, she looked down between them; embarrassment flushing her cheeks through the cold. “It was just a bad dream." She sighed, "You were missing with Maybourne and we couldn’t find you.” She swallowed hard and her voice dropped to a whisper, “I couldn’t find you.”

She felt his arms tighten around her, encouraging her to continue. “Then I woke up and you were gone, and I just...panicked.”

He pulled back and looked at her gently, his eyes searching hers. Then he took his jacket off and wrapped it around her. Helping her arms through the sleeves, he zipped it up before gathering her back into him. He tucked his face into her neck, “I’m right here...and I’m not going anywhere.” He sighed, his voice lowering, “And, if I were to crack open the door to that room for a second, I would tell you that I missed you too.”

He waited a moment and leaned back, tilting his head to steal a glance and saw her big grin. He let out a short laugh and pulled her back in. “Come on, we should get you back to bed.”

She nodded into his shoulder, “Just another minute?”

He nodded, grazed his lips against her temple, and held her a little tighter.


	4. Jack's Nightmare

Jack’s eyes shot open and he exhaled a deep shaky breath. The sound of his heartbeat roared in his ears as he willed himself to relax. She was fine. That machine had fixed her. “She’s fine,” he muttered. He rubbed his eyes and slid his hands down his face with a sigh before turning his head and squinting at the alarm clock in his dark quarters. 0400hrs. 

Hell, he’d still be in the infirmary if wasn’t for Janet kicking him out earlier, demanding that he get a shower and some sleep. 

Carter was only there for observation but the close call had hit him hard; the weird nightmare was proof of that. He was trying hard not to read too much into it. Only hoping that whatever part of his subconscious was responsible for the warped version of reality, would right itself eventually.

He groaned and closed his eyes...feeling himself being pulled back into the dream. Pulled right back inside that cell, where she was shaking and clinging to him... begging. Her voice knifed through him...

_"Please sir...Jack...help me!”_

“Shit,” he mumbled as he sat up and flung his legs over the side of the bed; his heart racing again. He stood up and braced his hands against the wall, unable to stop the memory of the rest of the dream from playing out. 

_He held onto her. Tight. So tight he felt his arms shaking. He knew what was going to happen and he couldn’t stop it. Completely helpless, he pulled back, holding her face in his hands as he met her eyes and whispered desperately._

_“Don’t leave me Sam. Please...I love you.”_

_Suddenly, the corners of her mouth curved slowly into a gentle smile...and for a moment it was as if everything was okay. Her pain went away and the shaking stopped as she put her hands over his; gazing back at him with love in her eyes._

_Filled with hope, he smiled through the tears and held his breath as he watched her mouth move._

_And then just like that, she was gone; erupting into a clear liquid and slipping through his fingers._

His eyes watered and there was a crushing tightness in his chest that dropped him back onto the edge of the bed. He grunted, pressing the heel of his hand into his chest as he waited for the pain to subside. It wouldn’t.

He had to see her.

Gritting his teeth through the pain as he showered, he changed into his blue BDUs, and headed back to the infirmary.

She was the only patient in the room and they had her holed up in the last bed. As he walked back to her, a nurse popped her head in behind him and flashed him a knowing smile before heading back out. 

As soon as he rounded the curtain the pain in his chest ebbed instantly. He exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he’d been holding, and took a seat at the chair he had occupied a mere three hours ago. 

His eyes ran over the length of her; watching her chest rise and fall underneath the sheet and breathed a sigh of relief as he raked a hand through his damp hair. Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together and braced his forearms on his knees as he his eyes landed on her hand resting on the mattress beside her.

He ached to touch her. To feel her soft skin underneath his fingers and convince himself once and for all that she was okay...fine...great even. Her perfect, smart, gorgeous self.

He rubbed his hands together nervously and glanced around. Ensuring the coast was clear, he reached out and slid his hand next to hers hesitantly. Cringing slightly and praying he wouldn’t wake her up, he grazed the knuckle of his finger over the back of her hand. 

When his calloused knuckle touched her creamy soft supple skin, he closed his eyes and bit back a sigh. 

“Sir?” 

Her groggy voice startled him as he looked up, meeting her eyes while pulling his hand quickly back into his lap. “Hey Carter. How’re you feeling?”

She smiled softly, “I’m fine sir...what’re you doing up?”

He looked down at his clasped hands, trying to think of something witty to say and coming up empty. “Ah, couldn’t sleep.”

She sat up a bit as the sleepy fog cleared; tilting her head as she looked at him. “Everything okay sir?”

It took him a moment to answer her, and his fingers wrung together as he thought back to the dream. The feeling of helplessness had been the one constant in both the dream and reality. He felt a slight pang in his chest and winced as he looked up. “It...uh....it was a close call,” he said quietly.

She looked down and nodded as she chewed on the inside of her cheek, “To be honest sir, I didn’t think I was going to make it.”

“But you did.”

When she looked back at him, she noticed the care etched in his face and gave him a small smile, “Yes sir.”

There was a connection there, even more than usual, and she felt her heart beat a little faster realizing that as harrowing as the ordeal had been, it felt like it had pulled them that much closer. Looking at his tired eyes as they stared back at her intently, and knowing he hadn't been able to sleep, worried her. She wished there was some way she could comfort him as he had comforted her on that planet. Her eyes darted to his clasped hands in his lap, and then back up at him. It was then that she noticed a painful look in his eyes, like he knew what she was thinking...and it took her breath away. 

Pushing away the last lingering ounce of doubt, she turned over her hand and slid it towards him. She watched his dark eyes shift to it, and then back at her. His jaw tightened and his eyes watered as he reached out and placed his hand in hers. Bowing his head and closing his eyes, he let out a deep sigh as he grazed his thumb over hers gently. Her heart ached for him, wishing she could give him more. 

They heard the door to the infirmary open and he opened his glassy eyes; looking at her sadly. She managed a regretful smile as they pulled their hands back slowly. Sam swiped quickly at the tracks of tears on her cheeks while Janet rounded the curtain. 

As soon as Janet spotted Jack she put her hands on her hips in blatant disapproval, "Colonel, I thought I told you to get some sleep."

He cleared his throat and forced a smirk, "Hey, I did sleep...for a few hours. To be fair, you didn't specify a time." When she glared at him, he stood up and put up his hands, "Alright, alright...no need to call in the cavalry doc, I'll leave." 

Janet shook her head and looked at Sam, "And how's the patient?" 

Sam smiled, "Peachy." She looked at Jack and he flashed her a big grin. 

Janet smirked and looked back and forth between them. "Uh huh...okay. Well, unless something unforeseeable happens, I should be able to discharge you this afternoon."

Sam eyes widened excitedly, "Great...thanks Janet."

As Janet turned and headed to her office, she called out over her shoulder, "Goodbye Colonel." 

He shook his head and huffed a laugh before meeting Sam's eyes, his expression softening. "I guess I should let you get some sleep. Need anything?" 

"No sir, I'm fine." she said gently.

His lips pressed together softly, "Yes, you are." Their gaze held for a beat before he perked up and raised his eyebrows. "Hey, wanna grab lunch after your prison break?"

She giggled and flashed him one of her big grins. "Sounds good sir."

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he gave her one last warm smile before lowering his head and rounding the curtain to head out of the infirmary. Sam just barely heard his voice carry through the room as he pushed through the door, “Sweet dreams Carter.” 

She closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of his words and whispered. “Sweet dreams sir.”


	5. Sam's Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating Warning: This one is rated M for violent thoughts by our favorite lunatic fringe Colonel.

“ _Daniel_.”

There was no response to the typical greeting. He didn’t even make eye contact as he sat down across from Jack with a sparse plate of food and coffee. 

Jack’s fork of chicken stopped halfway to his mouth, before he brought it back down to his plate. His eyebrows rose as he notably cleared his throat, “Umm…Daniel?”

Daniel kept his eyes downcast as he picked up his fork and kicked around the green beans on his plate with the tines. “I’m worried about Sam.”

There was slight clink as Jack let the fork go, his forehead creasing. “What? Why?”

Daniel shook his head like he shouldn’t have said anything.

“Daniel.” Jack’s low growl and curt response was all it took to break the seal.

He looked up at Jack hesitantly, “She’s having nightmares.” Then he looked down, his worried expression teeming with guilt. “I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone because she said she could handle it.”

“Nightmares? About….?”

He met Jack’s eyes, over his glasses, “The Shavadai…Turghan to be exact.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed, “She said nothing happened.” He shoved his plate away and stood up, his face hardening as he leaned on the table, “Daniel, did something happen?” 

Daniel put his hands up, “She won’t say anything Jack…I mean I asked her but….”

Jack cursed under his breath and shoved his chair back with the back of his knees; storming to the door.

“Jack!” Daniel called out to an empty room before raking a hand through his hair. “Shit…” he muttered.

Jack’s stomach was in knots as he stormed to her lab. On the exterior, he was enraged, which was the reason why everyone who saw him coming gave him a wide berth. But inside he was sick with worry, nauseous at the thought she could have been violated during that mission. That she’d been suffering in silence this whole time. He pushed down the dread that was threatening to tear him apart as he made the final turn into her hallway; knowing he had to concentrate on the anger. He couldn’t let the developing feelings for her get in the way here. She was his SIC, a member of his team. Nothing would be different if this was Daniel or Teal’c, he’d be just as mad and terrified…right? When Jack came around the corner to her lab, he stilled.

Sam was sitting on her stool with her head face down in her arms, sleeping. He let out a pent-up frustrated breath and stepped forward, ready to wake her. Stopping a foot short, he warred with himself whether or not he should just let her sleep; until she mumbled something. 

Cocking his head, he stepped closer; trying to make out the muffled words.

“No..stop.” Her words were barely audible, but there they were. 

His blood ran cold. Stepping up, he put his hand around her arm, his voice strained. “Carter.”

Reflexively, she spun and swung her arm up at him, “No!” Her expression a mixed bag of anger and fear.

He grabbed the arm before it made contact, “Carter!” 

The loud voice had her cringing and turning her head, waiting for a blow that never came

Jack’s stomach dropped as he gentled his hold, forcing the sting out of his rough voice, “Carter, look at me.”

Her glazed eyes cleared as she focused on him; the fear slowing turning to confusion as her eyes darted around her lab. “Sir?”

Letting go of her arm reluctantly. “You fell asleep.”

Her hand went instinctively to her forehead, “Oh, sorry sir. I haven’t been sleeping very well lately and…”

The question that had been racing through his mind was forced out of him by sheer consternation. He couldn’t wait another second. His jaw tightened as he interrupted her; bracing himself for the answer, “Carter, what happened on the mission with the Shavadai?”

She shook her head, “How…?”

“Daniel.”

She scoffed, her face twisting in anger as she opened her mouth…

He raised his hand, cutting her off. “Ah! Ah! And, before you go getting mad at him, he told me because he’s worried about you.”

Sam turned her chair towards her desk. “I told him I was fine sir.”

“You’re not fine. Something happened.”

She looked down at her wringing hands.

“Carter, talk to me.” As much as he tried, he couldn’t hide the worry in his voice. 

She nibbled her lower lip nervously, refusing to look at him.

He swallowed hard, forcing the words around the building bile. “Carter…did Turghan…did he…” Unable to finish, anger threatened to pull him apart as he clenched his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. He would kill him. He would find his way back to that planet and tear him apart with his bare hands.

She shook her head, “No.” Her voice was barely a whisper and he saw a tear drop onto the desk. “He hit me, cut my dress, held a knife to my throat and said he was going to take what was his. But he never did.”

Jack inhaled sharply as he gripped the edge of her desk and closed his eyes. Thank God it hadn’t happened, but it had been close. Way too close. That piece of shit had put a knife to her throat…was going to take what was his? Murderous thoughts had his knuckles turning white as he thought of killing Turghan slowly. A shallow cut, just enough to nick the jugular so he could watch him bleed out slowly. And as he watched the light drain from his eyes, Jack would tell him that Carter would never be his. That she wasn’t something to be owned, but cherished…loved. 

The touch on his arm made him jump, and he opened his eyes to see her looking at him with concern. “I’m fine sir.”

Everything about her face said otherwise; the tear tracks down her cheeks and the hint of sadness and embarrassment in her eyes...and concern for him?

His stomach dropped and something in him altered. A chunk of the thick wall around his heart crumbled, and he felt a tug…a tug that made him want to forget that she was his SIC. Made him want to pull her into his arms and comfort her. His eyes shifted to the camera before he tugged gently on her upper arm and nodded to the door. “Come on, let’s go.” 

She almost had to jog to keep up with his fast pace as Airmen jumped out of the way. A side glance at her Colonel added confusion to her worry; his expression was absolutely lethal.

When he guided her into the locker room, his eyes scanned it quickly to verify it was vacant before he locked the door and pulled her into his arms; his voice low.

“I’m sorry Carter. It’s my fault, I should have stayed with you.” 

She relaxed into him; feeling his uneven breath against her ear as his whole body quivered against hers. She had never known someone to care so much, and felt her eyes begin to water again as his warmth embrace and sweet musky scent comforted her.

Her voice was muffled by his shoulder, “Sir, you can’t be there with me all of the time. You can’t blame yourself.” 

Exhaling a deep breath, he knew she was right about the fact that he couldn’t promise that something like this wouldn’t happen again. Every mission was a risk, and as much as they tried to stick together, there was always a chance they would get separated. But she was wrong that he shouldn’t blame himself. It was too late for that; he already felt the weight of it pulling him down. His voice softened, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I…I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it sir.”

Holding her by the shoulders, he pulled back to look at her, “What? Handle it?” He looked down before looking back up at her incredulously, “Carter, that is nothing you should ever be expected to _handle_. Not ever, do you understand me? You should have told me.”

She shook her head, “What would you have done?”

His eye twitched. “I would’ve killed him.”

“What!? Why? Because I’m a woman?”

“No!” He shook his head emphatically, “Because you’re a member of my team Goddamn it!”

Resigned and defeated she looked down between them. The silence easing some of the tension between them. “Nothing really happened. I just don’t know why I can’t stop dreaming about it.”

With a sigh, he slid his hands down her arms and let go. “Carter, just because we face danger on a daily basis, doesn’t mean the crap we have to deal with will be any easier to handle.”

She swiped her eyes quickly with her sleeve, “It’s just…embarrassing.” 

“Hey.” He waited for her to look up. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were an absolute bad-ass taking him out the way you did. Whatever power he took from you, you took it right back…with interest. Don’t you ever forget that. I couldn’t be prouder to have you apart of my team.”

She smiled at the compliment and looked down shyly before glancing up to meet his eyes.

He flashed her a gentle smile before looking at her pointedly, “But from here on out, you need to promise me some things.”

She tilted her head curiously. “Sir?”

“One…no holding back on anything anymore. That includes anything that affects you before, during or after missions…no matter what.”

She nodded.

“Two…talking about it helps. So, if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here for you…always. 

She flushed and nodded, “Yes sir.”

He smirked, “And three…. we’re a team. We look out for each other and we depend on each other. So, you’re not allowed to beat up Daniel for snitching on you. 

She huffed a laugh, “Yes sir.”

Jack cleared his throat and gestured his hand nonchalantly, “By the way, I hug Daniel all the time…so…you know…it’s not a big deal or anything.”

She raised an eyebrow as a corner of her lip curled up, “All the time sir?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and his mouth twitched as he nodded, “Oh yeah, he insists on it. It gets awkward sometimes...Teal'c gets jealous...it's a thing.” Then he cupped a hand to his mouth and whispered loudly, “Don’t tell Daniel I told you though, he’s real sensitive about it.”

Sam snorted and grinned, dipping her head.

His expression softened, “Now, go get some sleep in your quarters and I’ll check on you a little later, okay?”

She nodded and Jack unlocked the door, opening it for her and grazing the small of her back with his hand as she walked past him.

Her soft voice stopped him before they headed in opposite directions. “Thank you, sir.” 

He smiled and waved her off as he took a couple of steps backwards, “Think nothing of it Carter…I’m responsible for you kids, and I take my responsibilities very seriously.” He winked and turned on his heel to head to his office, mentally pushing away the lingering thoughts of how good she had felt in his arms. Instead he started brainstorming for a way to get back to Simarka. He had some unfinished business to take care of.

Sam felt herself flush as she turned to head to her quarters. She couldn’t help the broad smile on her face; her body still tingling from the forbidden intimate contact with her CO as she thought about what he said. “Always,” she muttered to herself, “hmm.” 


	6. Jack's Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning  
> This is a tough one. Explicit warning and triggers for depression, suicidal thoughts.

He was empty. Devoid of the light and life that made him the man that he was…and it terrified her. It had been two weeks since he’d been back from being tortured and killed by Ba’al over and over again. The copious trips to the sarcophagus had taken a devastating toll on him. He wouldn’t talk to her or anyone else about it, and she felt guilty as hell. He had taken that symbiote for her, she knew it and he knew it. And although he said he was fine, the deep circles under his eyes told a different story. Janet had confided in her that he had been having nightmares, so they had decided to let him stay in his quarters so he wouldn’t disturb the rest of the patients in the infirmary. Now that he was alone with no cameras or prying eyes, she prayed she could get through to him. 

* * *

The next evening Sam knocked on his door. When there was no response, she tried the knob and it turned. “Sir?” She whispered, hoping she wasn’t disturbing his sleep if he’d been lucky enough to nod off. But he wasn’t sleeping. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, sitting on the side of the bed facing away from her with his head bent down. She couldn’t see his hands. 

“It’s not a good time Carter.” His voice was thick and strained. 

She swallowed nervously, “I’m sorry sir.” She started backing out and closing the door before she stopped. Her stomach clenched and there was something inside her that told her to stay. When she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, he turned his head slightly, sensing her presence. 

“Carter.” It was a clear warning, dark and menacing. She could hear the underlying rage and inhaled sharply as her heart pounded. Her mouth opened and closed, not knowing what to say. 

She heard him exhale roughly as he stood, taking a moment to adjust the waistband of his sweatpants and his t-shirt. He kept his head down and turned, closing the distance between them before she even had time to process that he was even moving. She backed into the door as he stopped inches from her face. His empty eyes held hers as he spoke through clenched teeth. “I said leave…. that’s an order.” 

Sam shook her head slowly. She wasn’t going to leave him, not like this. And if that meant she would have to deal with some charges, then so be it. 

He leered at her. Without leaving her eyes he reached over and locked the door before putting his hands against it, on either side of her head. Then he bent his head down to her, his eyes dropping to her lips. Her stomach flipped and clenched… realizing she was more scared than anything. As much as she had fantasized about kissing him, she didn’t want it to be when he was like this; an empty shell of himself…angry and dark. She turned her head and he leaned his mouth to her ear. “Don’t you get it?” He growled, “He took…everything.”

When he leaned back, his face twisted in anger as his eyes watered. “I have nothing left to give… _you_.” 

She didn’t notice his hand going to his waistband. It wasn’t until he tapped the slide of the handgun against his thigh that she looked down. Her eyes widened and her heart wrenched as she found her voice, begging him desperately, “No…sir…please.” She reached for it, and he pushed his left hand against her chest, trapping her against the door. 

His clenched jaw shifted back and forth as a tear fell silently. “I’m done.” 

He raised his arm.

“No!” She moved fast, shifting her weight right and shoving his hand left. He stumbled forward and she circled, grabbing for the gun again. He jerked it away, deflecting her arm with his left hand, now finding himself between her and the door. 

Backed into a corner, his arm raised towards her reflexively, the gun stopping halfway up, unable to get himself to point it at her. She could see the confliction in his eyes through her tears; his hand wavering.

He gripped the gun tighter and swallowed hard, his voice cracking, “Carter...please. Just let me go.” 

Shaking her head, her lips quivered as she reached out her left hand slowly and put her palm under his right wrist. She lifted his arm until the gun was pointing at her chest…and then stepped into it until she felt the muzzle dig into her skin. His face pinched painfully as his finger came off the trigger.

“No,” she whispered hoarsely, “I’m not living without you.” 

His chin trembled and he choked out a sob as his arm dropped. Sam wrapped her hand around the slide and took the gun into her hand; then threw her arms around him with enough force to drive them both back into the door. 

She leaned her cheek into his as the tears streamed down her face, her voice wet and insistent. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” 

His fingers dug into her back as he hung onto her desperately; tucking his face in the crook of her neck, “I’m sorry.”

Tilting her mouth to his ear, she whispered, “You’re so much stronger than him. You're going to get through this and I’m not going anywhere.”

By the time she was able to guide him back to the bed to rest, both of them were physically exhausted and emotionally drained.

She sat at the side of his bed and refused to leave as he slept through the night. And when he woke in the morning, her head was draped over his forearm as she slept. 

Blinking back tears as the night before flashed through his mind, he remembered what she had done. How she had saved him again…this time from himself. She was the one thing Ba’al hadn’t been able to strip from him. 

There were no words that could describe the love he felt for her, and he wondered how much longer he would be able to bury the truth before he screamed it from the mountaintops. Every fiber of his being wanted to pull her into bed with him. To drown in her scent and get lost in her eyes. He longed to have her soft curves press up against him as he ran his fingertips softly through her hair; aching to show her exactly how much she meant to him and to satisfy her in every single possible way.

His chest tightened as he reached out his hand, stopping just short of her soft blond waves. Closing his eyes, he exhaled shakily and brought his hand back to rest on his chest. 

First he had to heal...to fight...to get his life back. Then he could concentrate on her love. 


	7. Sam's Nightmare

Her scream had him waking up with her name on his lips, her given name. The panic in it had his stomach clenching as he grabbed for his BDU pants. Teal’c wasn’t far behind.

Seconds later he was stumbling out of the tent, holding up his pants with one hand and his gun in the other. He saw Daniel, who was geared up for his watch looking into the tree-line. “Daniel, where’s Carter?”

Daniel looked at him, his eyebrows pulled together as he pointed, “She...uh, just said she needed to be alone and ran that way.”

“And you let her?”, the anger seeping through as he slapped the flat of the handgun into Daniel’s stomach so he could finish buttoning his pants.

Daniel held onto the gun reflexively, “I tried to stop her but she was crying and angry, and...” he looked down and Jack grabbed the handgun back from him as Teal’c stepped out of the tent at the ready. “Just stay here.”

“Teal’c stay with Daniel” Jack didn’t wait for a response as he kept his handgun at the ready and set out in the direction of Daniel’s pointing; grateful for the bright moon of the planet lighting the way.  
  


It didn’t take long to find her, sitting on a flat rock overlooking the the small creek they had stumbled upon earlier in the day. He puffed out a sigh of relief as the knot in his stomach started to unravel.

“Carter?”

He saw her hands go up to face, swiping at her eyes as he approached from behind.

“I’m fine sir. I just needed a moment.”

He tucked the handgun in his waistband at the small of his back, and stood alongside of her.

“Hey.”

She looked up at him, her eyes swollen and glassy as she watched him consider her carefully. The flutter in her stomach forced her to turn her head away from his caring gaze.

“You don’t seem fine.”

She didn’t say anything as he took a seat next to her.

How could she tell him that the nightmare had been about him. He was her CO, it clearly wasn’t appropriate. None of the things she had started feeling about him were appropriate. The last mission had been horrible; watching Hathor implant him with a symbiote while she just stood there and watched.

It was only sheer luck that the Tok’ra spy had been there to help. But of course, her dream never let that part ease the pain. No, she watched him get taken over by that thing over and over again. Watching his face twist in pain as he screamed.

“Carter.”

He wasn’t going to let it go. The inflection of her name rolling off his tongue made that clear.

“Just a bad dream about the last mission sir.”

He brought his knees up and draped his arms over them. “Ah.” The mission had been messing with him as well, but he was guessing for entirely different reasons. His dreams were more fantasy than nightmare. Filled with flashes of his SIC’s forbidden creamy bare skin and the sensual feeling of her curves pressing ever so tightly against him. His arms wrapped around her and the feeling of her soft lips against the palm of his hand as he quieted her from the patrolling Jaffa. He stifled a moan just thinking about it. No, what she was talking about was obviously something very different.

“Well, that mission had a lot of bits to it Carter, can you narrow it down for me?”

She swallowed hard. _Just say it. Say it quick and get it over with._ “The implantation bit sir.”

He lifted his head in recognition, “Ah yes, not one of my finer moments.” Then the confusion set in. That happened to him not her. Why would she be having nightmares about him?

He looked at her, and she gave him a nervous side glance before looking straight ahead. Then there was a distinct “uh oh” moment.

He had feelings for her. There was no doubt about it. If he had to put a percentage on it, he’d say that he thought about her in some aspect everyday about 90% of the time. At first he chalked it up to lust. She was gorgeous as hell, and even seeing her in a set of dirty BDUs did something for him. But then he realized there was more to it then that when he started to worry about her constantly. Started to worry about her safety and her happiness more than his own. And so far it had been hard but he had handled it...so far.

Now the idea that she might feel something for him, that was even remotely similar, blew his mind. It changed things to know that she worried about his safety...about his well being. His mind reeled as he tried to think of something to say. Something that would comfort her and put her at ease.

“Turned out okay though.” He winced, mentally slapping himself. What the hell was wrong with him.

She glanced sideways at him again and saw him cringe.

_And...now he knows. Great!_ She put her head in her hands. _Embarrassed for life... check._ _Oh goodie, one step closer to completing my bucket list._

The throaty groan seeped out before she could stop herself.

His eyes widened, the sound shooting straight to his groin. Sweet Jesus. Was she trying to kill him? He'd already been thinking back to holding her on the ship, and now he would be stuck sitting with his knees up until his obvious arousal went down, or until the end of time...whichever came first. 

Her mind yelled at her. _Get out of there weirdo._ “I’m sorry sir, I just needed some air. I’m going to head back to the tent.”

_Shit._ He reached out and wrapped his fingers around her upper arm to stop her movement. “Wait Carter. Just... hang on a sec.” He slowly slid his hand down her arm and squeezed her hand before pulling his away; yelling at himself for making the touch seem so intimate.

Fire. Her arm was on fire. She felt tendrils of heat spreading from her core to the rest of her body as her mind wandered to other places she wished he was touching. His voice snapped her out of it.

“I’ve had nightmares. Not about the last mission...but others.” When she turned her head to meet his eyes, he held her gaze. “...and they’re not always about me either.”

Her eyes widened at his soft voice and clear innuendo.

He looked down and then back up, “So, I get it.”

All she could do was nod. It was so much better then flopping on her back and screaming as the realization hit. He cared about her. She cared about him. Oh yeah...and they couldn’t do anything about it.

He saw the recognition on her face. _Okay, she gets it. Now what?_ He forced himself to look forward again and prayed she wouldn’t say anything that would cause him to pull her into his arms. Because if she came onto him in any way, or even hinted that she'd be willing to look past the regulations, it would be game over.

She was obviously stronger than he was. “Thank you sir.”

He turned his head back to her and saw the longing in her eyes match his own; the unspoken words between them speaking volumes. “Anytime Carter.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to throw a big of light humor in this one after the last chapter, but it was tougher than I thought when dealing with a nightmare. Hopefully it didn't come across too disjointed.


End file.
